I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
