He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
