WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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