i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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