i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
