Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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