I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
