They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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