member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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