I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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