My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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