And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
