So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
