I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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