"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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