guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
