Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wish my penis had a tongue
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
