I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
