Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
