you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
