Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
