Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
