i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
