Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
