So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
