i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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