I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
