party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
