once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
