I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
