i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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