He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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