tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize