Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize