I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
