if you like me you must not know who I am
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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