Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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