His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
