i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
