Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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