so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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