just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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