I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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