Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
