I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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