woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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