maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
