If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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