can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
