Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
