i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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