If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Can I color on your dick again?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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