New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
