wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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