I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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