I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
