he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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