a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
