I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Boobs speak an international language.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
