I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
