So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
