I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
