My hand turned me down
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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