so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
