bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
