I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
