My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
