The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
