There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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