toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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