There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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