A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
