Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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