my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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