I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
