My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
