mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
