hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
