theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
