i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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