I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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