STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
