weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
