But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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