Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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