Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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