grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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