Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I could fuck to npr.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
