you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
