Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
