I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
