My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
