My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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