Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
