the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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