someone owes me an orgasm
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
