Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
