I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
