she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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