I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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