You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
