Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
