I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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