To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
