I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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