i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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